I imagine I could find a statistic that shows the percentage of non-Chinese folks living in Beijing. I guess that less than 0.5% of the twenty-five million people in this wonderful city arrived here from outside of China. One day I will learn the statistic about how long the average ex-pat stays before leaving. Today I am certain of several things as they relate to Chinese folks and ex-pats. These observations stick with me because of I pay attention and remember. Because of the uncanny consistency in stories I hear from young ladies with whom I interact here in Beijing; I believe a (rule) book must exist for young (and not so young) Chinese women that explains to them exactly how to attract foreign men in Beijing. As a foreign man in Beijing I meet many people every week. As a naturally social person I meet more people than the average person. I must explain the way my interactions play out. I think there may be (at most) three different scenarios. In a city of twenty-five million, one would think that the variety would be larger but I guarantee (and I never guarantee anything) that the stories all sound exactly the same.
I meet a young woman at a party , networking event, dinner, or bar and the conversation begins. She asks the standard three unoriginal and uncreative questions:
1. Where are you from?
2. What do you do here/ Can I have your business card so I can read your title?
3. How long have you been here?
I enjoy following up with similar questions right back. I like to add a little bit of originality into the interview in order to see some personality in this new person.
1. What is your name?
2. How long have you been in Beijing?
3. Where did you come here from?
4. How long were you there?
My answers to the three boring questions come out quickly and very scripted in order to get to the really entertaining part of the interview. I almost always get a made-up name and that suits me because it makes things easier. The answer to my question # 2 varies. I find that if the person has been back for more than 2 years and I see them in another social situation I can hear them changing their length of time back in Beijing. We come (with this revelation) to the point that all Chinese women lie. 100% of them lie about odd things that sometimes mean nothing about nothing.
I think they answer question number 3 honestly. I can not imagine a reason to say you came from Australia when you really came from England. I follow this answer with the same response, “Wow! That place must be wonderful, how long were you there?”
I think I get an honest answer to this. This line of questioning includes that the young lady went there for school and stayed afterwards for work. I follow these answers with questions about why she left and why she came back to China. Every single time I get the following two statements: I cam back to take care of my parents. They are old/ getting old.
I find that the plan is to go to another country, get proficient in English, get a graduate degree, a husband, maybe a kid, a new passport, and a divorce settlement before coming back to China to live a nice life. I meet many of these young ladies and they all say the same things to me. I enjoy tripping them up. I have found that I am the first person for every single one of them to ask the following follow-up questions and the final sentence:
1. How old are your parents?
2. Where do they live?
3. Were you married? Are you still married?
4. How old is/ are your child/children?
5. So you moved back to take care of your old parents and they live nowhere near you and you never see them and they are under the age of 60.
Some folks watch tv, read books, go hiking, or participate in recreational drug use for entertainment. I talk to people. Before I asked all of the follow-up questions I would get a first date after the first encounter. Now, I never even get that far because these intelligent young ladies appear to be smart enough to know that I will not buy what they are attempting to sell. I have made it to the first date a few times but now I save the energy.
Greg Gordon Uncategorized
